The Holidays Are Supposed to Be Joyful — Then Why Do So Many of Us Feel Overwhelmed?

When we think of holidays, we often picture cozy gatherings, laughter, shared meals, gift giving, and songs. But for many, the season brings a hidden burden: stress, anxiety, or a sense of being “on edge.” As a therapist, I see this pattern every year—and it’s not just anecdotal. There is growing scientific and clinical evidence that the holiday period can heighten emotional distress in predictable ways.

In this post, I’ll walk through why the holidays can be so stressful (drawing on research), how that stress affects us (psychologically and physiologically), and what practical coping strategies are supported by evidence. My hope is to normalize the burden and offer tools to help you and your loved ones navigate the season more resiliently.

Why the Holidays Can Be a Stress Multiplier

1. Increased Social, Emotional, and Cognitive Load

During the holidays, many of us juggle more obligations than usual: social gatherings, travel, coordinating family dynamics, gift shopping, meal planning, decorating, and extra expectations. This “holiday overload” taxes the brain, particularly the prefrontal cortex, which is responsible for executive functions like planning, decision-making, and impulse control. Over time, sustained cognitive load can impair memory and reduce self-regulation. Harvard Medical School

Additionally, decision fatigue is real: when we face many small choices (what gifts to buy, which party to attend, what route to pick), our mental resources get depleted. Recent reporting notes that holiday shopping—where the pressure to get “just the right” gifts can be intense—can trigger fight-or-flight responses, especially when budgets are tight or time is limited. www.heart.org+1

2. Financial Stress & Loss of Control

The cost of gifts, decorations, travel, and hosting adds up, and financial anxiety is a top-tier stressor during the holidays. In one survey, 46% of respondents identified affording holiday gifts as a significant worry. American Psychiatric Association+1

Financial stress is particularly potent because humans are wired to respond to threats to resources. The brain may interpret scarcity or budget constraints as existential stressors, which triggers physiological stress responses (e.g. elevated heart rate, cortisol release). www.heart.org+1

3. Grief, Loss, and Emotional Memory Triggers

For people who have lost loved ones, experienced relationship ruptures, or carry past trauma, holiday traditions can evoke painful memories. In fact, one study showed that 47% of respondents reported grief or missing someone as a major holiday stressor. Psychiatrist.com

Even for those without major loss, recurring family tensions or unmet expectations often surface around once-a-year gatherings. The contrast between the “holiday ideal” and reality can amplify disappointment or sadness.

4. Disruption of Routine & Seasonal Factors

The holiday season often disrupts regular routines: sleep schedules get off-track, diet and exercise habits shift, and people may travel across time zones. Such disruptions weaken resilience and coping capacity.

Moreover, in many regions (especially in the Northern Hemisphere), the holidays coincide with reduced daylight hours, which can exacerbate mood dips or seasonal affective symptoms. McLean Hospital+1

5. Compensatory Behaviors & Risk

When stress increases, some people turn to maladaptive coping—e.g. excessive alcohol use, overeating, or impulsive spending. Indeed, experts caution that holiday stress can contribute to substance or alcohol misuse. University of Alabama at Birmingham

One physiological risk with holiday excess (especially alcohol) is the so-called “holiday heart syndrome” (acute arrhythmias associated with heavy drinking). Wikipedia

The Toll: Psychological and Physical Effects

Holiday stress doesn’t just feel heavy—it produces measurable effects. Some impacts include:

• Anxiety and mood disturbances. The blend of external pressures and internal emotional stress can trigger or worsen anxiety, depression, or irritability.

• Sleep disturbances. Worry, late-night preparations, disrupted routines, and travel can undermine restorative sleep.

• Somatic symptoms. Headaches, gastrointestinal upset, muscle tension, and weakened immunity are common in high-stress phases.

• Burnout or “emotional hangover.” After the holidays, many feel depleted rather than recharged.

• Relative relapse risk. For individuals managing existing mental health conditions, the holiday season poses a risk point for symptom recurrence or worsening.

Because holiday stress is often acute (i.e. more intense over a limited duration), therapy and preventive strategies can make a real difference in mitigating its impact.

Evidence-Based Strategies for Coping & Managing Holiday Stress

Here are several therapeutic or psychoeducational tools.

1. Clarify Values, Intention, and Priorities

Before the flurry begins, I encourage you to reflect: “What do I truly want this season to feel like?” This helps guide decisions, reduce extraneous demands, and align actions with deeper meaning (rather than external expectations). Perham Health+1

By intentionally selecting a few priority traditions or gatherings (as opposed to “doing it all”), you can protect your energy and reduce overwhelm.

2. Set Boundaries & Say “No”

Boundaries are an essential (and underutilized) tool. Explicitly communicating capacity limits—whether in number of events, family dynamics, gift expectations, or time—reduces ambiguity and stress. Rogers Behavioral Health+2Spring Health+2

Saying “no” is not selfish — it's a self-regulation strategy that helps prevent overload. The APA suggests this as a core coping skill. American Psychiatric Association

3. Maintain Core Self-Care

Even during busy periods, baseline self-care (sleep, nutrition, movement, hydration) forms a resilience buffer. Northwestern Health Sciences University+2Spring Health+2

Mindfulness or meditation practices (even short ones) can reduce rumination and facilitate emotional regulation. Mindfulness-based stress reduction (MBSR) programs have moderate evidence for reducing anxiety and depression. Wikipedia

Engaging in nature (sunlight exposure, outdoor walks) is also beneficial for mood and stress relief. American Psychiatric Association+2McLean Hospital+2

4. Plan Ahead & Use Pre-coping

Pre-coping means mentally simulating challenging situations ahead of time (e.g., anticipating a tense relative, preparing responses or exit strategies). This reduces surprise and increases perceived control. Rogers Behavioral Health+1

For example, decide in advance how long you’ll stay at a gathering or when you’ll take breaks, and communicate that ahead of time if appropriate.

5. Reframe Expectations & Embrace Imperfection

Rigid, idealized holiday expectations set people up for disappointment. Reframing mindset from “perfect holiday” to “meaningful enough” helps reduce emotional distress. Spring Health+2Perham Health+2

Notice and savor small moments of connection or gratitude rather than insisting on grand gestures. Gratitude practices (e.g. reflecting daily on 1–3 things you’re grateful for) are simple and have evidence for stress reduction and mood improvement. Ohio State Alumni Magazine+1

6. Use Micro-Interventions & Momentary Coping

Recent research in the mental health domain shows that even very brief interventions (on the order of one minute) delivered at transition moments can reduce momentary perceived stress. (For example, mobile stress-coping micro-interventions using algorithms to tailor timing had significant effects, p = 0.001 in one field trial) arXiv

Pausing for a brief grounding exercise (breath, body scan, stretching) when shifting between tasks or events can pay dividends.

7. Stay Consistent with Therapy or Support

Stick with therapy—even when schedules get hectic. The holidays may bring up deeper emotions (grief, family conflict, meaning), so having a stable therapeutic anchor is helpful. American Psychiatric Association

8. Monitor & Limit Compensatory Risk Behaviors

Be alert to risk triggers (e.g. excessive drinking, overspending, emotional eating). Moderation and alternative coping strategies will be important during this time. University of Alabama at Birmingham+2www.heart.org+2

The stress of the holidays is normal and predictable—but that doesn’t mean it has to control us. In therapy, we can work with anticipatory anxiety, relational boundaries, grief and loss, perfectionism, and self-regulation skills to help you experience a more grounded, authentic, and emotionally manageable holiday.

If reading this stirred something for you (anxiety, dread, or curiosity), you’re welcome to reach out. Together, we can prepare a strategy before the holiday chaos fully sets in—and help you feel more equipped to navigate whatever the season brings.